Professional Development
Listening Skills Are Crucial
Lis-ten-ing:
The process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken or non-verbal messages
A frequent objection to active (and reflective or empathetic) listening is founded on the "fear of forgetting". It goes like this: "I worry that if I have to put aside my own concerns while I just concentrate on listening to the other person, I will forget the responses and comments and judgments that come up for me which will dilute my ability to respond as fully I should".
In social situations, if we disagree with something the speaker says, we may not hear the rest of the speaker's remarks because we are devoting our energy to keeping the speaker's "error" in mind and composing a rebuttal. We need not worry over this-if the opinion is important to us, if it is an expression of our value system, it won't get lost. It may not be remembered immediately, but it will resurface on reflection. So, it is safe to keep listening to the speaker and cease devoting energy to rebuttals.
When interviewing clients, the best design is to divide the session into thirds like this:
- 1/3 Listen to the client's story. Jot only short notes. Follow the narative. Clarify through feedback (use reflective techniques).
- 2/3 Ask questions to obtain the information needed. Fill in the interview questionnaire.
- 3/3 Advise the client and determine the course of action to be taken.
Learn to trust the listening process and to trust the flow of the interaction.
Reflective listening techniques involve repeating back to the speaker what you have heard said, so the speaker can confirm the communication was effective. So you concentrate on reflecting the speaker - not on your next intervention.
Practicing these techniques, you will gain confidence that you don't have to worry about forgetting important stuff. Reflecting back what you have heard allows the speaker to add to or change the message. In addition, you can ask the question, "Was there anything more about the issue that you wanted to discuss?".
This allows for the possibility that something was forgotten or that something new has arisen that had been locked away about that issue but has became evident after discussion.
Setting aside your own agenda while listening to others is both one of the most important aspects of good communication and one of the most difficult to do consistently. Many people who do not value reflective listening, usually under-rate it because they have not practiced it long enough, and they feel discomfort from its newness. It may take a year or so of practice before it begins to feel natural and can be done without being conscious of it.
Communications: Are you listening?
Why Bother Listening?
